So this week was nothing short of being shitty. The first half was ok but come Wednesday onward it has been nothing but utter crap. On Wednesday I went over to my parent’s house to do taxes the following day and to also say hi to my father. Well as usual they asked me “why you have no job?” “You can do [insert random job] this until your career takes off” It really starts to sound like a broken record after a while. The following day we all go meet the tax man and do taxes. As it turns out, the money I received from my grandfather I have to pay on taxes since he never did. In other words I owe the oh so lovely US
The rest of the day wasn’t peachy either. I returned back to my apartment feeling rushed and over whelmed. I had to run around like a chicken with its head cut off to make the perfect night for me and my man. If have read my previous post you can see the table arrangement that I did for our dinner. Come dinner time the candles on the table wouldn’t light and my heart shaped pancakes weren’t turning out to great so I had to do small dollar size instead.
When my man came home, his reaction was under whelming. He did appreciate the gift I got him, a 60 minute massage, but his reaction to everything was bleh. All he wanted was food. So threw dinner I was the main conversationalist, how fun right. The rest of the evening we just sat on the couch and watched TV.
His gift to me/us was tickets to opening night of the Art of Video Games at the EMP. We went and the exhibit was under whelming. I would expect more concept art and drawings to be shown threw out the exhibit ;but all they had was on small room with the major consoles threw out the gaming history with a few concept art here and there. They did have a cash bar, but I had pay for our drinks. And here is where we dive into my depression and me questioning my future.
It started off Friday afternoon. I get a text from my man saying there is a cash bar at this event, but if I wanted to drink I have to pay for it myself. Ok, I understand we have been going out for 7 years but what the fuck. As it turns out he spent pretty much his entire pay check on buying a Microsoft surface pro. I thought he was going to take time, put money away and save up for it. But I guess he got over eager and bought the damn thing anyways. To top off, he states that he is pretty much broke until the end of the month so we will be on whatever we have in the cabinet and pasta diet.
So let’s break this all down. You spent your entire pay check on a tablet that you plan on using for podcasts and editing, which I said you could use my computer that already has everything setup do so. We have to stretch out food supply until the end of the month because you spent all of your money. Earlier this year you said you would help me with paying my taxes, and now that you know the exact amount I owe you are becoming iffy on helping me. I am driving myself insane thinking I’m a bitch for nagging at you to clean up after yourself or to do the dishes or even clean the apartment. I am starting to feel like all I am in this relationship is a maid, a cook, and a warm body that you sleep next to for warmth.
I feel like I need a change, a do over of my life. Last night I thought about just packing a suitcase and taking a flight to LA or Austin just to shake up my life. I guess what I want is to be romanced again; not only from a relationship stand point but from a career perspective as well. I don’t want to keep asking for hugs and kisses or to be swept off my feet, nor do I feel like I have to be the only one in a relationship to be putting out constant effort in the romantic department. At this point I don’t know what I want to do. I have been feeling numb and confused, I know I should talk to him about all this but I feel like we keep have this conversation every six months.
Sorry for the long post but I feel like I just needed to get a majority of my feeling out. I don’t know what is going to happen but something need to change in my life before I explode and become a limp noodle.
See you on the other side
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