Ok, I know
I didn’t update Monday but I will have a very long explanation this coming
Monday. Today I wanted to give you my
tips for surviving Thanksgiving with your relatives. Lucky for me, this year it will just be my
mom and I. For others I know are not so
lucky, you may have that annoying Aunt asking questions about your love life,
or an asshole grandparent nagging you about your weight. So here are my quick tips on getting threw
your turkey day.
1) Arrive an hour before dinner.
This is to ensure that side conversations are kept minimal
and you are not standing around bored.
You figure in after walking threw and greeting everyone you have 45
minutes to kill before dinner. During
that wait you can grab a drink and find the one person in the room that won’t
drive you up the wall.
2) Bring alcohol
I’m not talking about wine or beer (which wine would be
acceptable in this setting but a bit over done). I’m talking about the hard stuff. Bring a bottle of Bourbon or Brandy or
Whisky. Hell, bring all three if your
relatives are that bad. Bonuses points for saying that this is a gift
to the host or hostess.
3) Ask to help the host
Helping out the host cuts down on there time from setting
the table or cooking the sides. By
helping them out if someone tries to talk to you that you don’t like, you tell
them you are busy helping the host.
Staying busy and look like you are in a hurry will make the other guest
back off and give you space.
4) Be the runner
The runner is the golden ticket out the door. Wither it be something minor like getting
more butter for roll, be all over that shit.
Just be sure not to get a tag along while you go out.
5) Avoiding prodding questions
This is bound to happen no matter what you do. You are
sitting at the table eating your meal when a cousin asks you about your love
life, work, religion, and or politics.
The best way around this is to have a short honest response. This might shock them from not asking any
more question or they will probe more.
If they do the latter remind them that it is quite rude to be asking hot
button issues (in relation to religion, politics, and sex) in a neutral
setting. Or you can simply state that it is your decision and it fits your life
style. All else fails strike up a conversation with someone else and ignore
that bitch for the rest of the night.
6) Escape plan
Prior to arriving to the home, you should call the host and
tell them you can only stay until a certain time. This is a guarantied out with out the
guilt. You should also stay for desert
but if your family is driving you up the wall stage a fake call from work. Have you phone on silent and pretend the
buzzer went off. Excuses yourself from the table or conversation to head to the
bathroom. Take a few minutes and breath,
come back out saying there is an emergency and they need you at work right
now. This is a dick move and should only
be used if you are considering murdering your family that evening.
There you
have it, my easy in out surviving the thanksgiving meal. I will have a blog post on Monday and a party
Wednesday next week as well. Hope all
you lovely folks are enjoying your new PS4 and Xbox Ones this weekend. Me, I will be waiting around for my Xbox One
to show up at my door step some time this afternoon.
See you on the other side.
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